


One Goodbye From Lonely.

by hadeshwan



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cuddling, Feelings, Inaccurate Characterization Maybe, M/M, My first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:40:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hadeshwan/pseuds/hadeshwan
Summary: In their darkest moments, they're there for each other. And painfully aware that they're each one goodbye from lonely.(Title taken from the song by Superfruit. Story here and the story in that song are not the same.)
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 11





	1. Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on ao3, so please forgive if it's bad. Just kind of a vent. I hope you enjoy!  
> (If you cry, that is definitely not my fault. But please get some tissues if you do.)

Hongjoong has always had a bleeding heart. This has never changed.  
Everything else has. But never that. 

And one night, when Seonghwa's clearly upset, Hongjoong lets him rest his head against that same heart. They end up making a habit out of it. 

Seonghwa wouldn't describe himself as particularly sensitive, but sometimes, he hurts. He feels like he isn't good enough, and when that happens, he finds Hongjoong.   
There's something comforting in the way he never asks questions, never does anything but exactly what Seonghwa needs, somehow. He's beyond grateful.   
Hongjoong's arms are always there. _Hongjoong_ is always there for Seonghwa to wrap himself up in, to find safety in. He can sit between his legs, and wrap his arms   
around him, and it's warm. He can cry, and Hongjoong won't see, or say a word, even if they both know he can feel the tears soaking into his shirt.   
Lately, he's taken to kissing Seonghwa's cheeks when they fall, catching the tears with his lips. He does it reverently, gently, like Seonghwa is something a bit fragile.  
And sometimes he is. 

Much rarer are the days when Hongjoong craves Seonghwa's touch, because, for all of their moments, Hongjoong doesn't really seem to like being on the receiving end of it.   
They're both so hesitant, the first time. Seonghwa isn't used to this, despite all of the time he's spent with them. At home, he's the youngest, he- he doesn't understand how to comfort as well as he should. That doesn't stop him from trying, and oh, Hongjoong slots into his arms perfectly, fits there as if it's where he's meant to be, meant to stay.   
It's a bit freeing, in a way, to suddenly understand. To suddenly understand that his anxieties of being a burden were completely unfounded, because this feels absolutely perfect. It feels, to him, like this is how they were always supposed to fit together. The next time, he isn't so hesitant.

Over time, Hongjoong gets less hesitant as well. Seonghwa knows how tired he is, knows that underneath the smiles, there is a part of Hongjoong that is always exhausted. He knows that the stress can get to him sometimes, and he's always there when he's needed.

They both expected this day to come- the day where they both needed comfort, needed each other. Like every other first, there's uncertainty accompanying the pain in their eyes, but things end well. A lot of developments came about as a result of it. It's the first time they kiss, for real. Not Hongjoong's gentle kisses on Seonghwa's cheeks. Not the occasional kiss Seonghwa gives Hongjoong's hand to reassure him. It tastes like everything. It tastes like broken hearts, and anxiety, and worry, because they have to be brave. It also tastes soft, and sweet, and like happiness, because they have each other, because it's safe to be afraid here. It's safe to be uncertain, and hesitant, and it's okay to want it to go away. It's safe to hurt here, to explore, to comfort and be comforted. Things won't stay the same forever, though.


	2. So Many Seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've had quite a few firsts... and have spent so many seconds together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was really short, but this is even shorter. Forgive me for being concise, oops.

Time seems to stretch on for hours whenever they're together, now. They've fallen into each other, and every time they're apart, they hit the ground. They crash hard each and every time, and it _hurts_. The pain only seems to matter when they're separated.   
  
Hongjoong is the first to notice the shift, the pull he feels to be with Seonghwa, _near_ Seonghwa. It's like his center of gravity has shifted to him, like his entire world could revolve around just Seonghwa's smile. He starts to see the stars in his eyes, the sparkles that shine there. He couldn't be happier.   
  
_Crash.  
  
  
_ It isn't enough anymore. Seonghwa realizes that just being _something_ to Hongjoong isn't enough; he needs to be _someone._   
He loves him so much, of course he does, can't Hongjoong see? He tries to bring it up, but Hongjoong's... afraid.  
  
Even after everything, he's still hesitant. He's _scared._ The next time they kiss, it tastes like broken hearts again.   
Because they're fighting, and hurting, and crashing. This relationship, this addiction, it comes with a _price.  
_ A goodbye can cost you so much.   
  
He cries. He has to turn to someone else for comfort, and Yeosang isn't nearly as good as Seonghwa, because he's _not_ Seonghwa. That's the thing; no one could _ever_ be Seonghwa. Not one person other than Park Seonghwa himself, and Hongjoong is too scared to say it, but he misses him. He misses that head resting against his heart. He misses fitting into his arms, hiding there. He misses kissing away Seonghwa's tears. He hates to think he might be the cause of them.  
  
And when he finally goes back, when they reconnect, when he gets a second chance, he cries again. Because this is Seonghwa, _his_ Seonghwa, and he can cry with Seonghwa if he wants. Seonghwa cries too, and he's even more reverent in the kisses he places on Seonghwa's cheeks, because now he knows _he_ could be the reason he breaks.   
  
They'll make mistakes again, of course they will, but now they're okay. It's a chance to become better, to be better to and for each other. Their kisses grow even sweeter, lips dripping in sugar. Their touches are softer than satin. Hongjoong's heart is stitched together, piece by piece. And Seonghwa's enough, in every way. It's not the addiction it started as; it's simply tasting luxury, experiencing decadence. A second chance at safety, a refund for that "goodbye."   
All it takes is a leap of faith, and if one thing is for certain, they believe in each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first attempt at a fic from me! Please forgive any formatting errors. And again, if you cried, please get some tissues.


End file.
